I REFER to the report “
Aussie actress yet to hand over son to ex-partner, says lawyer” (
The Star, Dec 29).
In a bitter divorce, the child’s welfare is often given less
consideration while the feuding parties bicker over their rights trying
to gain an advantage over the other.
The court hears testimonies from both parties but rarely gives much weight to what the child wants as reported in “
Muslim conversion issues exclusively Syariah Court’s jurisdiction” (
The Star, Dec 30).
Where the children are of a young age, the mother normally gains
custody while the father has visitation rights. In view of the mother
becoming a single parent after the annulment of the marriage, the father
has the responsibility to provide the ex-wife alimony and child
maintenance.
The situation becomes tense when the father washes his hands of all
responsibilities over caring for the family by failing to adhere to the
alimony payment and child maintenance and brainwashing the child on how
bad the other parent is in order to exact revenge over the ex-spouse.
On the hand, the mother too can be faulted for child abuse if she
adopts an attitude of “the winner takes it all” conduct by having full
custody of the child, getting alimony and child maintenance and then
denying the father visitation rights by putting obstacles to make it
almost impossible for the father to meet the child.
Children who remain neutral are abused by being bombarded by repeated
over-exaggerated untrue stories on how the other parent caused the
failed marriage and is totally at fault when in reality, it is both
parents failing to salvage the marriage.
Children need to have rights in a bitter divorce, including having a legal voice on what is demanded from each parent.
This should also include the right to be treated properly, the right
to stop any parent from constantly telling repeated one-sided stories
and the right to ensure both parents conduct and behave themselves
properly toward the child.
The provisions of the Child Act need to be strengthened to include
jail sentences for the delinquent parent who treats the child badly.
This should apply to an adult child who still gets treated badly.
Some parents need to spend time in prison in order to realise and
reflect upon their conduct over the child, where child abuse may not
necessarily mean physical abuse but include mental abuse, where one
parent constantly harasses the child to breaking point when the child
does not totally agree with the abuser.
Such abuses must not have a statutory time limit, which means that a
child wronged by one of the divorcing parents can still take action
against the parent later in life for compensation.
Such child abuses can also happen when the child is already in
adulthood, where the divorcing parent not getting custody in the earlier
years or bitter over the divorce arrangements continue to mentally
abuse the child through scolding, blaming and act detrimentally to the
child’s well-being.
Some take advantage of the child’s generosity and forgiveness to gain
monetary advantage while there are bad parents who implicate the child
in the parent’s personal matters for personal gain.
For example, the divorcing father launching a malicious court case
and police reports against other family members on unsubstantiated
matters unrelated to the child, but then subjects the child to forced
sub-judicial matters in bad faith and influencing the child to commit
perjury with malicious intent to benefit the abusive parent, failing
which dire consequences would fall upon the child.
Here the child is torn between filial piety and doing the right thing
of not getting involved or even reporting criminal conduct to the
proper authorities.
Another example is the abusive father not having custody of the child
but pretending to have changed for the better, treating the child
favourably to seek to temporarily stay at the premises of the child, who
is now an adult, only to show his or her true colours once access has
been granted.
Children need to be protected even when there is a lack of physical
scars evident in a bitter divorce as mental abuse is just as
devastating, especially when it continues during adulthood.
Protection such as compensation and jail time for the abusive parent
is appropriate to ensure the child is protected in a bitter divorce and
that the abusive parent behaves properly around the child.
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